When Edward wasn't with Bella New Moon
by Izzy.D356
Summary: Edward is stuggling as hard as Bella to be normal until he mysterious character who distracts him enough from his horrific pain. no romance between the two just mystery
1. Chapter 1

Edward when he wasn't with Bella (New Moon)

(From Edward's point of view)

I didn't know why I came here. The absurd reasoning for my being here had slipped from my mind, which until recently would be almost impossible. As I struggled to regain my breath on the pavement I thought of what had brought me here to this desperate situation.

One name. Bella. It was for her own good I repeated over and over again in my head. Willing my mind to believe this. My breath came in short gasps and the concrete swirled sickeningly toward me. As hard as I tried I couldn't dislodge her smiling face from behind my closed lids. In defeat I slumped against the dirty concrete wall behind me: I should remember that I was in Mexico tracking the feline predator like Victoria, Protecting Bella from what would be a horrific death otherwise, I should realise that I was bound to be picked up by a policemen at any point for loitering after dark. But none of things registered in my conscience. I looked bleakly up at the clear night and the cold moon wondering if Bella was was doing the same thing. At that thought my mind automatically reprimanded itself;of course Bella wouldn't be she'd be asleep content that her life had been consistently free of nightmares for a full 4 months. Free of me and the constant danger I had put her in.

My breath came out in jagged gasps and my dead heart felt as if it suddenly was beating its final beats. A soft feminine voice interrupted my metaphorical death.

" Are you quite well?"

For some reason the voice reminded me of the Volturi even though the Volturi didn't have English accents as far as I knew. The thought distracted me enough to draw one shaky breath to reply to the lady. I opened my eyes and gasped the woman was a vampire like me. However even stranger was the fact that she was different. A tattoo was imprinted upon her cheeks and forehead and the spaghetti top she wore showed that the tattoo continued down toward her lower back. She smiled at me softly revealing sharp canine like fangs protruding over her bottom lip.


	2. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry. I havn't really thought about writing all this stuff at the topo coz i'm kinda new to all this :) but you should know that i adore twilight and madam Stephanie! anyway just 2 give u a heads up **

**1. I don't own any of the characters (except Grace of course!)**

** nice and write a nice review please and i promise i will read your story in return and review!**

**'t think i'm replacing Bella or anything I just wanted to create someone a little freaky and new thats all! (and don't worry Edward stil loves bella in my story)**

**Chapter 3**

As the different expressions crossed my face the woman looked at me with alarm growing on her cold, strange features.

"Edward? Edward? Speak to me!" I tried to but the words wouldn't reach my mouth and I was having hard time not passing out. So I kept silent.

"Ok,fine come with me." As she said the words she stepped closer to me, and without me even registering what she was doing she lifted me over her shoulder in a fireman's lift with ease. And proceeded to walk down the pavement toward the huge skyscraper further down the road.

"Let me down!" I almost screamed at her I didn't want to die. I was too young!

"Don't worry I'm not going to kill you." She chuckled. I swear she could read my mind. As we reached the huge glass doors of the tall building. The woman set me down,holding firmly onto my hand as we passed through the lobby heading toward the nearby elevator. We were met by a clearly human receptionist.

"Grace" The woman greeted us calling my captor by her first name I assumed.

"Sophie" She smiled at the receptionist revealing once again her sharp fangs. I wondered why she hadn't run off screaming already. Maybe humans were crazy in Mexico city. I didn't know I couldn't read any of their minds. How disturbing.

After Grace had had a brief conversation to Sophie about setting up her bed next door to her office for the night she lead me towards the expensive looking elevator .Closing the door behind us.

" Are you going to explain _anything_ to me?" I questioned her with more than an ounce of annoyance in my voice.

"Shh.." Grace slowly moved her eyes toward the security camera in the top corner of the elevator with significance which I swiftly understood. We were being watched. The glass door opened to reveal a large office space equipped with all the latest equipment and complete with comfy leather sofas and an on-suite bathroom .

I wondered round the space in awe. I knew vampires were rich but this was just extraordinary.

I heard someone clear their throat behind me and glanced around to see Grace sitting on one of the comfy sofas patting the space next to her looking at me with an expectant look upon her face.

" Do you want to know or not?" She was obviously annoyed now. It seemed she wasn't a patient person (or vampire). I went to sit next to her and placed myself a little further away from her than she scowled at that. But cleared her throat as if about to speak.

" I was born and created around about 10,000 BC as you can imagine they didn't count dates as they do now days." Grace joked and I just looked her with eyes that almost popped out of my head and I swear my jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

please write a review!

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	3. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

" **I was born and created around about 10,000 BC as you can imagine they didn't count dates as they do now days." Grace joked and I just looked her with eyes that almost popped out of my head and I swear my jaw nearly dropped to the floor.**

"Ha Edward don't look at me like that! You have coped with the supernatural before ..or was it the future that you going to meet those....." She seemed to be talking to her self now but I wasn't going to allow her to just ignore me here .I wanted some answers; and I didn't like the way she said something about my future sounded something like she could read it.

"Can you read my future?" I choked out. If I was human I swear I would have puked already.

"Edward..I can read your whole life. Birth to death...No no Edward don't interrupt I'm trying to tell a story..Now where was I.." I was sure I should have passed out by now or that this was all just a horrible nightmare that my mind was playing on me to try and distract me from Bella. However the fanged woman with disturbing tattoos printed across her forehead looked far to real to be my subconscious mind playing tricks on me. Grace interrupted my revere by continuing her story acting as if she hadn't noticed my abstraction.

"..Ah yes that's it. I was born and turned into a vampire around 10,000 BC I had lived quite an average human life. You know hunting the mammoths and watching my friends die around me as they froze from the cold or abducted by other tribes. This way of life carried on until I was about 18 or 20.

"One day this new human came to my tribe. He was beautiful. Quite a young vampire I think only a couple of hundred years old I. Anyway he hadn't developed his fangs yet. Throughout the welcoming gathering he stared at me. I couldn't work out why though. I mean I was known as the best warrior and the most talented shaman throughout the area but that shouldn't have made him stare because he couldn't have known what I looked like before he met me."

She paused to take a breath looking at me with curiosity as she gauged my reaction. I know I should be insisting on finding out my own answers but I was too enthralled in her story to care. It seemed like years that I had found anything interesting. More like a few months. I flinched. No not even now could I contain my pain. She noticed but decided not to comment. She probably new what it was about anyway. Before she maybe decided to question further I pleaded for her to continue . She smiled at that and immediately obliged.


	4. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"As the night drew to a close the man walked over to me. He smiled down at me. And at that moment I was completely and desperately in love with him. Or so I thought." A dark looked crossed her face but as she did I didn't comment. I'm sure she would explain later.

"He lead me a little further away from the main camp. And leaned down as if to kiss me." She flinched and so did I In tune with her thoughts remembering my own transformation. She took a deep breath and then continued.

"After he bit me took me to a remote mountain top where he stayed with me for the full 5 days that it took for me to change. Throughout the process I heard my tribe calling for me from their camp but I knew that I couldn't respond. They couldn't see me as I was."

"When the pain was over he looked at me with greed and lust filling his eyes. At that I reacted taking him by surprise. I killed him tearing him apart in my frustration and anger and then watched him burn for the pleasure." When she said those words her lips curled over her fangs and passion which was close to violence filled her eyes. She obviously hadn't got over the betrayal then. After a moment of silence which I am sure she was thinking about an event which I'm sure I didn't want to witness Grace came back to herself and carried on her tone as if bored suddenly by her tale.

"After that I just wondered round aimlessly killing humans where I could find them and sometimes some animals here and there. However when a few centuries had passed I came to realise that I was dissatisfied with my life. When thinking about it I realised that my unique gift which I had thought to be a blessing was actually a curse. Every mortal I killed I knew what future I was destroying and what memories I had ruined. So I decided to only hunt animals after that."

"That's basically it, I took part in a few wars,governed a few countries and mostly just made the best out of what I have." At the conclusion to her story a thousand questions popped into my mind. The first one I voiced before it even registered in my mind that I was going to ask it.

"How is it that people don't...suspect what you are? I mean with the fangs and all" Grace laughed at that. But otherwise took my question seriously. Despite the chuckling.

" One of the people I killed had this power to make themselves look abit more human to mortals. So naturally when he died I inherited it. Stops the fangs showing though so that's good." She grinned cheekily at me. And I couldn't help smirking back. Even if I was a little disturbed.

"So you inherit powers from people? But how come I can't hear you?" She once again answered my question truthfully.

" Another one I inherited from a special friend of mine, I can block peoples mental powers if I want to." I guessed that when she said special friend she meant one of her victims. However when she said something about block my powers my mind immediately snapped back to what I was thinking about when she found me. My face crumpled up in pain and I was suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

"Oh Edward, This is why I brought you here." She muttered the words with utter sincerity, she wanted to help me. Not kill me,I should have relaxed my stiff posture but those thoughts didn't seem to comfort me. Grace scooted closer to me and held me in her arms shushing me softly when I started to breakdown.

"Don't worry Edward, It'll work out, It'll work out, I'm here now everything is going to be ok." And somehow these words comforted me. Even though Bella's face still swam behind my lids.


	5. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5**

Grace held me in her arms for several hours while I let out all my frustration and pain. All the while Grace would just hold me and comforted me. It felt nice not having to pretend that I was ok to everyone, not caring about if I hurt people's feelings when I mentioned _her _name.

Later we were interrupted by Grace's office phone shrilly in the background. She helped me up and led me toward the modern bathroom, and handed me a pile of neatly folded clothes and pushed me to the shower and then quietly walked out and closed the door behind her. I heard her hurry over to the still ringing phone and answered with it a sharp voice.

Deciding that I actually needed a shower I ran the water of the shower and stepped in. After a long relaxing shower I towled myself down. As I was drying myself I heard the tail end of the conversation between Grace and the another person on the other end of the line.

"Yes he's not happy." Grace said another voice buzzed on the end.

"Of course,I will meet you there." Grace replied to another unspoken question.

"Hang on he's out of the shower now,I'll speak to you later. Αντίo." She spoke the last word in a mystic voice sounding almost ancient. Could it be another vampire as old as she was? How many were there?

"Edward you can come out now I know your dressed and heard the last part of my conversation." She called to me. I stepped out of the bathroom and walked over to her desk and placed my self on the chair on the other side of her desk.

"Who was that?" I questioned her.

"That my friend, was another member of my family."

"Your family?" I asked stunned, she hadn't mentioned that she had other family members.

"Well I call them my family but really they're just members of this coven we have between ourselves that were born roughly around the same time period." Grace corrected herself. When she mentioned her coven an image popped into my head of king Arthur's knights around the round table. But with a twist. Obviously.

"Are you the leader?" I questioned her. I scrutinised her closely, wondering if there was anyway this woman could be more powerful. But her answer stopped my pondering in its tracks.

"We don't have any leaders, but I suppose if there was one it would be me, after all I am the oldest, most powerful and the richest." she joked. I didn't want to think of how much money she must have stored away on her banks. So instead I asked her another question.

"What does your coven do then?"

"Mostly watch, look out for those we want to help or sometimes interfere with those which have become too greedy. You could call us Gods if you will. More powerful than your precious Volturi I'll tell you that!" She was so calm while she joked about how truly supreme she really was over everyone. It amazed me.

"Oh while were on the subject, the rest of the coven would like to meet you very soon, They're very intrigued about you." Me!

" Me!" I squeaked out loud. "Why?!?" Grace sighed.

"Enough questions, our car has arrived." And sure enough there was the sound of the speaker on the phone telling 'Madam, that your car has arrived.'

I looked down at myself for the first time and realised what I was wearing. A very expensive suit by the looks of it.' Oh crap.' This was not going to pleasant.

**a/n - please review! i havn't had any in like a day! ahhh i know terrifying. Oh while on the whole authors note thing i'm sorry i make my chaptors so short its just really hard to write long chaptors 4 me so yea, i'm sorry !!! **


	6. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

If my hands could sweat then they would be slick with it, if my dead heart could beat it would be pulsing triple time and if I could hyperventilate I would be doing so right now.

Grace must have sensed how scared I terrified I was right now so she tried to soothe me by telling me more about her 'family.'

"Edward really, they're not like a big Mafia family, honestly, their just normal people like you and I." When she said that I looked at her with sarcasm obvious in my eyes and she corrected herself.

"Fine well, not mortal, but they are vampires even if they do have tattoos on their bodies and fangs, really, Edward I promise you ,it will just be like a meeting a couple of friends who you happen not to have met before." While she was trying to suppress my panicking. I was wishing that Bella was here to hold my hand. Bella would probably be intrigued to meet these _people_ more than terrified I half joke with myself. But at the memory of her with me in the meadow. The first time she said she loved me. And how she admitted that she wasn't afraid of me, that much. My dead heart felt as if it had been sawed at with a rusty knife over and over. And my lungs felt as if they had been shot repeatedly with a bazooka. My breathing spiked and I put my head in my hands. What did it matter if this coven killed me? I had nothing to live for anyway.

Grace saw my change in state and tried to distract me with a random piece of trivia.

" Did you know that the Ramses condom brand is named after the great Pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children! Amazing don't you think, And I don't even have any!" Although this was a ridiculous way to try and distract me. It worked. I let out a laugh. But somehow it got strangled on the way put.

"It's ok Edward, we're nearly there." And sure enough within a few minuted the Bentley slid smoothly to a stop outside a magnificent cathedral with intimidating large oak ancient looking doors. Without meaning to I let out a small whimper. I was terrified. Grace rubbed my back in a comforting motion. And although a small gesture managed to soothe me slightly. We emerged out of the car to be be confronted by the harsh light of the sun. I shaded my eyes and peered up to the top of the enormous spire. Grace distracted me from my musing by ushering me toward the door.

She creaked open the door and I was abruptly faced with an spacious yet magnificent hall that's ceiling seemed to stretch on forever. I ogled in awe. Paintings adorned the roof, the work looked a lot like Michael Angelo's work. But I was brought down to earth by several low chuckles that came from in front of me. I peered through the dim light of the hall and saw a small group of 7 casually dressed people in the far back of the cathedral. I was surprised although they obviously had authority from the way they stood and the natural charisma that came with being that old. They also had the strange tattoos that adorned their faces. Although theirs were less dramatic than Grace's patterns of the elements. They also had the almost comic fangs that poked from their lower lips. Even though I was still intimidated, I felt a little better than I had. Seeing them dressed in casual clothing seemed to make them less terrifying.

I started to walk forward with Grace following me close behind me. When I reached them I was however greeted with a dilemma. Should I bow. Or would that look ridiculous. Or should I shake hands. That seemed abit intimate a thing to do,seeming as I hadn't even said hello yet. I stood there looking like a total idiot having no idea what to do.

The woman on the far right of the group with roses adorning her face giggled.

"Edward. Please just follow us we will vacate to somewhere a little more comfortable and introduce ourselves properly." The rest of the group smiled at her words and all turned round within a few milliseconds of each other and proceeded through a small door behind them. I turned round to see Grace smile at me encouragingly. So I finally got some balls and followed after them.

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**xx**


	7. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The group of powerful vampires and I spaced ourselves evenly across the large mahogany table in the centre of the slightly smaller hall. That was behind the entrance hall which had just come from. I stared up in wonder at the paintings that littered the ceiling more amazed than I had ever been in my entire exsistance.

A man who at opposite me cleared his throat. And I realised that I had been staring at the paintings for several minutes and that the rest of the group were giving me glares which surely meant that they were fed up of my stupidity. I opened my mouth to spout my apologies. But I was interrupted by Grace speaking.

"As you all know this is Edward." She gestured to me with one hand. And continued to speak. "These are my family, One the right we have Ambrose." Ambrose lifted a hand and did a little wave. He was marked with a drama mask covering his face. "Then to the left of him we have Aalexis, The woman from earlier with the rose tattoos also lifted her hand and waved like Ambrose. "Then to the left of her we have Balasi. A large vampire with a bears tattoos al over his body responded to his name by grinning at me, a lot like Emmett would if he had just thought of really hilarious prank to pull on me. And was about to do it. I smiled widely in response to my thoughts making the rest of them smile in return.

Grace moved on lazily in describing who each of them were. There were four others each named something Greek. I wondered why Grace was the exception. But my unspoken questions were quickly answered by the girl who was called Aalexis.

"We all changed our names because we wanted to forget our past and become part of the new order. But Grace had had her name since birth and we tried to persuade her to change it. She set the hall on fire. It was quite hilarious but it was tedious having to build a new cathedral all over again! And then to make matters worse we Michaelangelo was busy for a couple of years painting that stupid Sistine chapel. It was quite inconvenient I have to tell you! I laughed at the way she easily referred to the fact that she got Michaelangelo to paint this entire cathedral. And then quickly had a thought.

"Can you read my mind?" I asked Aalexis.

"Of sorts, I read you, and what makes you you, your thoughts, your emotions, your personality, your power. Ha! I can even read if your good in bed. Which according to me you are." And with that statement she gave me a wink which hopefully meant she was joking. I was staggered all of those powers in just one person. What powers could the others possibly have?!?

"Don't look at us like that Edward,we're just like you. Just older." Grace comforted me. Although form her tone of voice she sounded hurt.

"Yea right, 'we're just like you' that boy wishes he was as cool as us." I looked away from Grace's face to see the Emmett look alike grinning at me like a idiot. Just like Emmett I agreed.

"So what can you do that's so special then? I asked sarcasm obvious in my voice. The memory of Emmett made me feel guilty for neglecting my family of late.

"OOOO no need to be sarky with me pup! Haven't you guessed already?" He pointed to a rather large bear tattoo on his forehead.

" Turn into a bear, figures." I said smiling swiftly.

"Ha! He wishes. Nope he just has a lot of strength." Aalexis said grinning at me broadly. I grinned back in response. Definitely Emmett look alike. I wonder if he would have the bear tattoos just like Balasi.

"Balli is actually Emmett's great great great great great great Uncle. Weird right?" Grace whispered to me. I was shocked. Speechless. I was interrupted by Balasi.

"Grace, I told you not to call me that! Gives the wrong impression the newbie you know!" Grace rolled her eyes.

"Newbie!" I turned to Grace in surprise.

"Well duh! What do you think we were doing here talking to you!" Balli grinned at me, rolling his eyes at me like I was a total idiot.

"But..But why do you want me?" I asked, genuinely confused.


	8. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Well Edward, we feel that you have a most....extraordinary soul. You are filled with goodness and consideration for others. Which we feel exceeds all others. Although yes you may say,that Carlisle and Esme also posses these characteristics. They however,have not given up what you chose to give up. Purely for the saving of another's soul and life." I was deeply confused by what Grace said at that point because. a) I thought the members of the group had to be from the BC era. And b) All the people in the room possessed amazing gifts that made mine look like a party trick.

" We know you that will look somewhat mortal compared to us. However we wish for someone who is fresh to the world. Someone who can see the world from a modern point of view. And someone to keep us in check." Grace had continued speaking as I thought through my questions. I was sure she could read minds too. Or at least was freakishly intuitive.

There was a pause as the people around the room processed my expression to the news. Then Balasi who clearly didn't have the patience to wait for my response asked.

"So do you accept?" As I considered my answer I suddenly realised that I couldn't read any of the ancient minds in the room.

"How is it that I cannot read any of your thoughts?" I asked on impulse. Not meaning to say It aloud. A tall dark haired man in the far left hand corner answered my question for me though.

"Because I have blocked their minds." He said in a cold voice. Obviously he wasn't pleased with the invitation being offered to me. However when he uttered the words I was immediately crowded with the thoughts of everyone around me. I was fascinated. Their minds were so complex and their powers were extraordinary! And as if it couldn't get any more interesting each one of the group could hear each other's mind and could use telepathy! As I listened I heard several different conversations going on around the room between members of the group.

"_Ha! His eyes are bugging out of his head at this!" _I heard Balasi's mental voice say.

"_I know, it's quite hilarious! Hello Edward! He He look at his face!" _Aalexis was the reciprocal of the conversation, and looked like she was enjoying this little show as much as Balasi was. Abruptly the banter inside my head was cut off as the dark haired man took back control of the shield.

"That was amazing!" I exclaimed. "If I join your coven will I be able to do that?" All the members of the cluster chuckled amused by the childlike fascination I had with their telepathy.

"Of course child. So will you join, or do you need some more time to think?" Grace questioned me with a motherly voice. That reminded me of Esme. I thought about her question. And quickly decided that I didn't have anything to lose.

"All right I'll do it. So where do we start the ritual and 'wat not'. At my words the whole hall erupted in laughter, and Grace smiled at me endearingly.


	9. Chapter 10

**a/n - sorry it took so long to update! and i'm also sorry that this chapter is so short but i promise i will update first thing tomorrow morning!**

**enjoy.**

**Chapter 10**

"No, Edward we are a mostly informal group of vampires who appear to be extremely formidable. We are but that doesn't mean that we have to act like a coven of pompous brats!" Everyone chuckled at Grace's explanation to me. However Aalexis soon decided to let me in on what I had to do to enter the group.

"Edward to enter the group, you must take part in …. training." As she hesitated on the word 'training' I was immediately struck with a bolt of consternation. 'Training' didn't sound like it would be pleasant.

"What does this training involve?" I asked apprehensively. There was a moment of silence after my words that was extremely ominous.

"Don't worry Edward it doesn't take that long, and after it, you will be stronger in both mind and body." She looked at me with worry. But quickly masked it when she saw me looking at her eyes. As I thought about the pain that was so obviously waiting for me. I realised that I shouldn't be scared. After all what did I have to live for. I was never going to see Bella again. My family hated me because of what I did to Bella. And I hadn't even managed to follow Victoria, as I vowed I would do to protect Bella. I was a failure. And if this coven was the only thing that I could accomplish in my miserable existence. Then be dammed if I was going to turn down the opportunity just because of a little pain. I chuckled at my my own little pun. And all the vampires around me gave me strange looks. Except Aalexia who had shared the joke with me, (her being able to read minds and all.) She was now smiling softly at me although there was a look of pain on her face.

"Ok. I'll do it!" I exclaimed. After all what was there to lose?


	10. Chapter 11

**a/n- I am so so so so so sorry that i took soooo long to post this but i was having a serious mental block, i know that's no excuse but really i am sorry i i will try to update more often. I know i don't deserve it. But please review!!!**

**SORRY**

**Chapter 11**

I stood in the centre of a circle of very powerful vampires. I was terrified. I couldn't believe that I was doing this.

Each of the vampires held a candle in front of them each in white. Signifying purity and peace. I also held a candle however this one was a deep royal purple to show that I was in the initiation process. The glow of the candles surrounded me in a warm that comforted me. Relaxing my apprehension slightly. With no visible signal the members of the group began a a low murmur. Which I recognized as the Greek that Grace had said earlier on the phone. It had seemed like an age ago that Grace had found me helpless on the pavement.

The murmur increased in volume, and then suddenly broke into a loud ancient hymn that awed me. It's lilting notes causing me to be bow my head. The song was filled with such emotion that I had never heard before in any piece of music I had heard in my century of life. The song constantly swayed from giddy joy that made me breathless. To heart-rending sadness that if it could. Would have made me burst into tears. The mantra continued on it's convoluted path. Eventually it quietened down to just a low murmur. Grace stepped out from the circle, and increased the volume of her singing so that it was louder than the others. She looked eerie her hair swirled about her face on its own accord and her eyes had become a brilliant violet that terrified me. Then with an abruptness that startled me she threw the candle she held, towards me. But before it reached me it dropped suddenly to the floor. And the flame created a circle of fire around the place I stood. I was trapped.

I suddenly realised that if this fire spread, I would quickly become just a heap of charred vampire flesh upon the floor. My eyes widened in fear and my knees started shaking. Were this powerful coven trying to kill me?

No I couldn't believe that. Even though I was unable to read any of the group's minds, didn't mean that I didn't feel any of their sincerity when they spoke to me. So with that thought egging me on. I lifted my shoulders and head erect an stood up firm and tall. Whatever they were going to do to me. I knew I would be fine.

The circle of furiously hungry flames rose in hight and depth around me until I could no longer see the members of the group behind the wall of flame. This was obviously designed to scare me,to incapacitate me. However I held strong in my beliefs and distracted myself from the possibly of death by thinking abut Bella. Bella even the sound of her name on my lips made my body burn with desire and my breath quicken to short quick gasps. Bella, my Bella. How I longed to feel her in my arms again. To hear her wind chime laugh float through my senses. To feel her full soft lips move with my own in perfect harmony. A sob shook through me as I realised that I would never see her again. She deserved someone better. Someone who wouldn't hurt her. Or felt the dry burn at the back of their throught when she blushed endearingly. DAMMIT! Why couldn't I just let her be!

_Because you love her._

The voice inside my head was right I did love her. I loved her enough to leave her.

Or did I? It had been almost 6 months. And things weren't getting any better. I needed Bella. I needed her more than blood. More than anything else in this world. I would do anything to be the human that she so definitely deserved. Someone who is worthy of her selfless heart. Someone who wouldn't hurt her with every move he made.

The flames swirled sickenly around me. A reflection of the hell I was feeling in my heart right now. Grace told me before we started the ritual that the circle of flame and the eerie chanting was supposed to release an epiphany within me. But so far all I could think about was Bella. Bella,Bella, Bella......

"Grace.. I can't feel anything, It's not working." I whispered toward the wall of flame beside me, where I thought Grace was.

"Just be patient Edward. You may be here awhile but it'll come don't worry." She called softly out to me.

…...................^^......................

Grace was right when she said awhile. The epiphany occurred a week into the whole ordeal. I thought with all this exposure to the flame that even a vampire could be tanned, or burnt. My thoughts had been consumed with Bella. And with nothing to distract me except the heat. I felt as though I was in my own little form of hell. I couldn't talk to Bella, I couldn't see her smile,except in my mind's eye. It was hell. Hell on earth.

Her wide chocolate eyes swam before my eyes, smouldering. Hell. I was in hell. How did I deserve this. What have I done in my life to deserve this sort of torture. Was it's fate's way of punishing me? Or was it self inflicted? I now knew what Emmett meant when he said I thought things through way to much. In fact the whole family though the same. When I was with Bell they had constantly pestered me about stalking her, Babying her too much. Did I over think my last major decision to leave her? Did I really overreact when Jasper tried to bite her? Was she really happy now? If she was even feeling a tenth of the pain that I was feeling now. How could she possibly be happy?

And just like that. I had my epiphany. I needed Bella. I needed Bella like Jasper needed Alice, Or Emmett needed Rose or even how Carlisle needed Esme. The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence,distance, or time.


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